I remember in college doing a group assignment for a course in Group Dynamics. Each week our small group of four had to meet, and while working on a project, had to assess the dynamics our group was experiencing. The first week that we met, one of our group members said very frankly, "I will build friendships with all of you, but don't ever call them relationships. Friendships are fine, but to me, relationships mean something more." Most of us were thrown off a little by his admission, but we complied. In the end our group ended up demonstrating more dysfunctional dynamics than we'd hoped, likely because we were all at arm's length from one another.
Recently, I've been thinking a lot about relationships. Particularly as we have walked with our youth through some very dark times. There are points where we think, "This is too hard! It's so much easier to walk away, or simply be with the kids who have it 'together'." I've been reading Andrew Root lately. I saw him at a conference a couple of weeks ago, and his expertise is true relational ministry*. He examines the difference between building relationships for the sole purpose of leveraging influence (i.e. I will build a relationship with Joe so I can influence him to make a decision for Christ), versus building relationships for "place-sharing", that is, entering into the depths of suffering and humanity, to really be human together. I have found that he summed up what I was already thinking. He talks about a ministry he was a part of, and driving home with fellow youth workers. No one said a word because they were so exhausted from ministry; they had not expected the youth to insult them and push them away. Sometimes, we feel like that.
This should put to rest anyone who feels that the ministry of The Door is to take advantage of youth when they are vulnerable by coercing them into a relationship with Jesus. Instead, we stick with them through the dark parts, because we believe that they should not have to go through them alone. When we send them home week after week for breaking the code of conduct, we welcome them back the following week, and we talk about their decisions, behaviour, and consequences rather than putting it under the rug. Recently, we've been dealing with a couple of young men (the term 'trying' would barely be adequate), who seem to be purposefully looking for buttons to push every week. We try to be consistent in our discipline and expectations, and continue to plug through. Sometimes they shock us with great insight in the middle of a discussion, when it appears that they have been sleeping or distracted the whole time. At the end of the day, we pray that by sticking with them we are truly living incarnationally. We are being human together, and despite their behaviour, we are committed to walking along with them. Root puts forth the challenge to actually live an incarnational life, rather than use it as just a good ministry model (which I've been guilty of).
I would not be where I am today if it hadn't been for people who cared enough to stick through my messy bits and live out Jesus in my life. I may have appeared earlier as though I don't care about proclaiming Jesus to our youth, that is not the case, I just want Jesus to be a part of their reality, not a bandaid solution. That happens in our darkness, when the light shines through. Keith Green sang about when God's love broke through. There are few better descriptions of God's transformation in life. Getting there, slogging through the mud, is never something we should have to do alone.
*If you are in youth ministry, I'd highly recommend his books Revisiting Relational Youth Ministry,
and Relationships Unfiltered.
The Door Youth Centre is pleased to invite you to join us at New Life Church (Hwy 24 in Collingwood) on Saturday, April 17 at 7pm for a spectacular concert featuring seven former Canadian Idol contestants! Joining us for an acoustic evening are Collingwood's own Drew Wright, Earl Stevenson, Sebastian and Oliver Pigott, Adam Castelli, Omar Lunan, and Paul Clifford.
Tickets are only $20, and can be purchased at Gabriele's Photography or the Financial Centre in Collingwood, or by tracking us down! All proceeds are benefiting The Door Youth Centre here in Collingwood! If you want more info, call John at Gabriele's at 705.445.9030. You can also look up this event on Facebook, just search "Idols Revisited". We hope to see you there for this fantastic evening, and great music!
We arrived safely back home on Saturday night, and I was hoping to post much sooner, but as it would happen, I have been dealing with the after effects of spending March Break with 50 teenagers. I affectionately call this incredibly sore throat "The Outbreak", as many of our staff are feeling similar symptoms. That said, SouthBound 2010 was an incredible trip, and it allowed us many opportunities to connect in significant ways with the youth from Collingwood, and those from around the province.Particularly cool this year was a change of venue for us. After many years of hosting the camp in Melrose, Florida, we opted to go a little further south to Camp Gilead in Polk City. From the moment we got there, many of us were not only impressed with the grounds, but also with the facilities that were available for us to engage in activities with the youth, and many of them built peer relationships over games of carpetball, dodgeball, and Quarto (which is my new favorite game, read about it here). Our campers are set up in teams that are put together at random, and Aaron and I were privileged to lead Team F, or the Fegyptians as we were better known. Throughout the week we participated in the "Rejected Olympics", which involved many bizarre games and team cheers (ours was oddly similar to that of Team E, the Egyptians, but hey, there are only so many songs about walking like Egyptians out there.)(Our names were complete coincidences, for serious).
We purposely include a lot of free time in our schedule, and most afternoons we have open. This is where a lot of the informal conversations with the youth happen, and where relationships really deepen. That, and we don't mind sitting on the beach, even if we are in winter jackets. Each evening we gather in our teams for small group discussion, which leads into our evening sessions. We were joined by our colleague Kevin, who talked about identity and branding, more specifically, what you express to other people. We had amazing discussions about the masks that we wear, the people that we try to be, and the people that we are. We found this to be an important issue for many of our youth, much like it was for us when we were teenagers. Aaron and I found that the conversations that we had with our youth in small group stretched well into the rest of the week. At one point, one of the guys on our team was walking with us and said, "All that stuff about the masks that we wear, I haven't stopped thinking about it all night!".One night we had some time that we previously didn't at the last camp (we were significantly closer to Orlando this time). A few leaders wondered if maybe we should host a hot topics session, where the youth could ask the leaders questions. Over twenty youth showed up, and wondered about where God is in the midst of pain and loss, the Bible, terrorism, love, and many other issues that were important to them. The discussion lasted nearly two hours! For sure, this will become a part of our regular schedule.
Overall, this was an incredible trip, and now, I'll leave you with some pictures.
Human Bowling!
By far, one of the more popular activities, the water tube
The whole crew
Team F
Our gang from Collingwood
I remember in college doing a group assignment for a course in Group Dynamics. Each week our small group of four had to meet, and while working on a project, had to assess the dynamics our group was experiencing. The first week that we met, one of our group members said very frankly, "I will build friendships with all of you, but don't ever call them relationships. Friendships are fine, but to me, relationships mean something more." Most of us were thrown off a little by his admission, but we complied. In the end our group ended up demonstrating more dysfunctional dynamics than we'd hoped, likely because we were all at arm's length from one another.
