Trusting to Take The Next Step

*This is not me.

Lately, I've had the privilege of being able to hike... a lot. Normally, this is something I am ridiculously excited to do, but translates to little time in my schedule. Part of my now weekly (*!!!*) hiking schedule has included hikes straight up Blue Mountain. These aren't my normal take-the-chairlift-ski-down or drive-somewhere-scramble-around-on-top-for-a-while jaunts. No, they are start at the bottom, pick a relatively straight, steep line, and plod my way to the top. It's not pretty, but in the couple of months since I've been doing it I'm wheezing and stopping less, and appreciating the view more (as opposed to being doubled over, which is my usual stance). 


Of course, since there is some unwritten rule about this in life, my desire to get in shape (and complete a 5k race up said mountain, but that's a different story) was beginning around the same time that we started to face lots of challenges in our ministry with YFC. At first, it started small: our youth were apathetic about lots and didn't really want to do anything. Then, we grew worried that we didn't have enough volunteers to meet our programming needs. Then, our financial situation took a dive far worse than we had experienced before. And I began to ask myself the question, "Am I insane?" 


I grew increasingly frustrated with the mounting issues we were facing, generally feeling, well, like I was walking straight uphill. The things that I was used to doing in order to operate the youth centre or raise support weren't working or at the very least were made far worse by hiccups that were met along the way. And then, like I did when I first started hiking up the mountain, I plopped myself down and I whined. 


Thankfully, I work and live with people who have little tolerance for whining, but are graceful enough to not laugh at me or shut me down. They reminded me that I needed to focus on what was important, not on the muck that was gathering at my feet. And when I began to pray, to give the huge burdens up to God, I found I could get up and take a few more steps. I could look ahead and see a way to get around the obstacles that seemed so huge without losing my mind.  Honestly, the financial burdened was the hardest. It seemed for a split second like everything was going to shut down. It was difficult for me to give up, since my whole life and being seemed to balance on our ministry. But it was amazing, once I began to intentionally pray, how God would give me peace when I needed it most, providing small graces to get me through the next few steps. 


Of course, I'd be lying if I said I no longer felt anxious, but as I read yesterday, "perhaps anxiety is an act of grace because it encourages us to face our fears so that we can then choose to freely follow God where He is calling us." (source). That's one side of the coin, and definitely something that I resonate with. But the view and hope that I hold to is this: "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hears and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Ph. 4:4-7)


Things are slowly turning around. Or maybe they're not changing at all and I am able to see how they are moving us forward and not back. We have more people interested in joining our volunteer team. We're blessed with a centre of youth that while they aren't always the most motivated, really value the presence of The Door in their lives. This has led to some incredible ministry opportunities that we would have missed otherwise. And our finances are slowly turning around - but it's been a lot of work. I feel so blessed to be where I am right now, with the people that I am surrounded with. 


So as I hike uphill, things are a little different now. I see what lies ahead. I notice those that are walking along with me. And most of all, I see the beautiful view.